Willy

I think it should be illegal for some people to have children. We have young S at the holiday program, he has a short fuse at the best of times but something told me that there was more to it then was on the surface. I asked him if there was any thing he was upset or worried about, I then gave him an example of when my grandfather got sick I started cting different. At that point he broke down and told me that his grandfather is sick and going to die, we talked about it for a bit and he said he felt better, I also suggested that he talkes to his mum about this.

Well his mum was not happy and asked us not to talk about the subject with him any more.

NOW he is the one that started to talk about it and his mum is trying to sweep it under the carpet, how is S meant to deal with it if his mum is trying to make out that nothing is wrong.

If we were all to take this "if you just ignore it, it will all go away" attertude what would the world be like?

The police man on the side of the road would just sit there with his eye's closed and say if I can not see no laws are being broken.

Or

The lifeguard turns around and stops looking at the pool and says if I can not see anyone in trouble nobody is going to be in trouble.

If I had children and they were going through the same thing as we all will at some point in time and an OSHC worker did the same thing for him or her I would be very happy that they are willing to take the time and that they really do give a fuck about the children in their care.

Well I say FUCK CHRISTMASS.

What is so good about it?

It is only a time for everyone to get togher and remember all the people that will not be with you for one reason or another. An example of this would be poor clancy, he was a kid that came up to camp even though his 6 year old brother had passed away from cancer on the saturday before he came up, that is somthing I would not wish on anyone let alone a 13 year old.
Well that is all I want to write at the min but there is still heaps going through my mind.

I am back!

I just spent 4 days up at the new camp I am working at!
It has everything you could want to find at a good camp, Good Staff, Good Food and Good Activities.

The people I work with are so nice, I just wish it was a full time job and not just a casual.

Tonight I was watching a show called without a trace, this week it was about a kid who was getting picked on at school and came very close to killing him self, he attempted it but the police found him and saved him. The last thing he said on the show when he was being loaded into the ambulance was "I don't want to go back to that school"

From watching that it has made me think about when I was at school and what it was like for me and how close I came to killing my self. It has also made me think about the family friend that killed him self.

Sometimes I think the world would have been a better place if I had of done it. It is not like I am going to do it now, there is no way I could do that now that I am a "Big Brother" and I know how it would impact the people I love and care for.

Have you ever thought

what if?

• I had killed myself?
• I didn't leave school and let the bullies win
• What if I didn't leave my X?

I think I am heading towards a breakdown, there are a few things that make me think this.

• Last night I did a RMP class and came VERY close to passing out, I had to be put on oxygen.
• I am VERY stressed about my brother living with the people that he lives with.
• Mum has been saying she will leave dad if that is what it will take to bring Michael home.
• having no job is driving me crazy
• I want a Girlfriend and a kid
• I need a new car
• I want my own home

Who knows I might meet someone when I work at a camp and later on become a camp manager, this would solve the Girlfriend, Home, and maybe even my Kid problems. I could even bring Michael up to the camp to work that way he would be away from all the drugs and bad things of the city.

I know this post makes me look mentally un-stable but I still have a clear head and I am not going to do any thing silly.

Well the new job went to shit creek! No job for me now.

Today the person that lives next door came over with his little girls. The youngest one wanted to sit on his shoulders but he didn't want her there, so I put her on my shoulders. Well while she was up there she was rubbing the stubble on my face and I was thinking I want a kid!

Just think for a min,

There is probley at least one kid out there some where that is almost as excited as me about going to camp next week.

This is a dream come true for me.

I think I will, sorry I KNOW I will have a better time then the kids.

TRAVIS - As You Are Lyrics
Everyday I wake up alone
I'm not like all the other boys
And ever since I was young
I had no choice
But it's OK to lead me on
I admit it's not much fun
To be led on by such a one
As you are
As you are
As you are

And ever since I woke up I felt the net
Was lifting me out of the sea
And even when I'm sinking I feel the need
But it's OK to lead me on
I must admit it's not much fun
To be alone with such a one
As you are
As you are
As you are

And ever since a long time
I felt the rain
And there was no danger
And no more strangers
As you are

I think this song is about me

I did it, I said OK to my third little brother.

From what the people at the office said I should go out with him this weekend, I called him last night but he was not home, so I call this morning and I am still waiting for a call back.

Not a good start, but it might just be because it was short notice.

I have just worked out that some people can act like a child.
My house mate and I had a fight about months ago, in this fight she punched me!
Now I am over it and have put it behind me, if she needs something done I am more then happy to help out. But I left a bown on the sink for about 5 days just to see what she would do, it sat there for the full 5 days unwashed even know that she did dishers at least twice.

I am so sick of this crap, I get it at work and then at home. The sad thing about it at work is that I hear it from all sides but they are nice as pie to my face.

Just then I got a phone call from my boss asking me to go into to do the night clean, even know that I did the open shift this morning, that would make my total hours awake to 24 stright with only 4.5 hours sleep last night. Oh and then after that I have a RPM class at 10:30 and then the match meeting so, no sleep for 24 hours running on 4.5 hours then home to sleep for 4 hours, RPM, shower, match, sleep, open at 4 am on friday, work through to 6 friday night

RIGHT!

Well I am about to do it again.
On Thursday I am going to meet my third little brother, lets hope that this one will last.
Sometimes I stop and think, why am I doing this?
I found the answer today when Clark said he wanted to die, this made something hit home with me