Willy

Tonight I was watching a show called without a trace, this week it was about a kid who was getting picked on at school and came very close to killing him self, he attempted it but the police found him and saved him. The last thing he said on the show when he was being loaded into the ambulance was "I don't want to go back to that school"

From watching that it has made me think about when I was at school and what it was like for me and how close I came to killing my self. It has also made me think about the family friend that killed him self.

Sometimes I think the world would have been a better place if I had of done it. It is not like I am going to do it now, there is no way I could do that now that I am a "Big Brother" and I know how it would impact the people I love and care for.

Have you ever thought

what if?

• I had killed myself?
• I didn't leave school and let the bullies win
• What if I didn't leave my X?

I think I am heading towards a breakdown, there are a few things that make me think this.

• Last night I did a RMP class and came VERY close to passing out, I had to be put on oxygen.
• I am VERY stressed about my brother living with the people that he lives with.
• Mum has been saying she will leave dad if that is what it will take to bring Michael home.
• having no job is driving me crazy
• I want a Girlfriend and a kid
• I need a new car
• I want my own home

Who knows I might meet someone when I work at a camp and later on become a camp manager, this would solve the Girlfriend, Home, and maybe even my Kid problems. I could even bring Michael up to the camp to work that way he would be away from all the drugs and bad things of the city.

I know this post makes me look mentally un-stable but I still have a clear head and I am not going to do any thing silly.